Paris Songs

See also: Songs for Paris

“The Boyfriend’s Song”

Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Ouch!

Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty kitty
Ouch!

“Stop Knocking (Things Off All Surfaces)”

You’re a pretty kitty and
You want it all clean
So you knock everything
To the floor

You’re a smart kitty but
It’s kind of annoying
To have to keep picking
Things up

O, Paris please
Stop knocking
Things off all the surfaces
That pen should be on the desk
That bottle cap might be needed
I can’t find anything to write with
When you push them all under the
Huge CD holder cabinet thing

You’re a silly kitty and
You’re sort of anal
Which I otherwise wouldn’t
Really care

But why, you silly kitty,
Do you have to push everything
Off the tops of desks and tables
With your paw?

O, Paris please
Stop knocking
Things off all the surfaces
Sometimes I really want to
Keep the cologne on the shelf
Remember that time I came home
After a trip
And the place smelled like
A brothel?

O, Paris please
Stop knocking
Things off all the surfaces
I used to think it was cute
But it’s kind of annoying
When I need to write something down
Put all my pens are
Under the refrigerator

“You With The Sharp Claws (The Exclamation Point Song)”

Oh look at you!
Look at your tummy!
It’s so fluffy!
Oh look at you!
You’re so vulnerable
And small
And cuddly

Fuck! Shit! Ow! Goddammit! Stop! That’s it! Okay! Fuck!

Oh listen to you!
Purring like a motor!
That’s so sweet!
Oh listen to you!
Gosh, do cats purr that loud?
Let me hold you tight
And hear you purr!

Fuck! Shit! Ow! Goddammit! Stop! That’s it! Okay! Fuck!

You’re not going to fool me again!
You think you always fool me
But you really don’t!
I know all your little tricks!
Rolling over like that
Your eyes all sparkly
Your little paws curled under
Goddammit you’re so cute!

Fuck! Shit! Ow! Goddammit! Stop! That’s it! Okay! Fuck!

Fuck! Shit! Ow! Goddammit! Stop! That’s it! Okay! Fuck!

“The Boyfriend’s Other Song”

Wake up!
Kitty, wake up!
Kitty!
Kitty, wake up!
Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up!

“Laser Smack”

I know what you want
Look at you poised there
Your eyes are huge!
I know what you want

The laser!
Oh my god and christ almighty!
The laser is out!
Chase the red dot!
Holy hell, you’re insane!
Go around in circles
Until you get dizzy
And fall over
It’s like crack!
It’s laser smack!

Okay, rest a little
You’re breathing quite hard!
That was quite a workout
Oh, look! There’s that dot again!

The laser!
Fuck, this is so much fun!
It dances and jumps and
You can’t predict what’ll happen!
You’re insane with joy!
You’re a tiger,
A lion in the brush!
It’s like crack!
It’s laser smack!

Man, you’re worn out
You can’t possibly go on
No. No way. It’s too much.
Egad! There it is again!

The laser!
The laser, the laser, the laser!
It’s too much fun!
You’re going to explode!
It’s under the bed!
No, it’s on the kitchen floor!
Up the wall!
The ceiling!
Get it, get it, get it!
It’s like crack!
It’s laser smack!

“Water Cat”

What’s with you?
That’s water
That’s water
Hey, stupid
That’s water

You’re making an unholy mess
Stop batting at the stream
You have water right over there
Yes you do
Yes you do
I just filled it

Okay, fine
Play with the water
Just don’t come crying to me
When you’re all wet
And your fur is matted
And you’re all like
unhappy and shit

What’s with you?
That’s water
That’s water
Hey, stupid
That’s water

“The Boyfriend’s Morning Song”

Stop it!
Cat!
Stop it!
That’s my foot!
Stop!
Hey, stop!
Ow!
Fuck!
Stop it!
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty
Kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty

Ow!
Stop it!
No!

Coffee